Sometimes you just want to crawl into a hole...

Dear Boaz,

It's just been one of those weeks... if I could start it over I would. it started off perfectly fine... then Monday night, as I was in the middle of writing a letter to you, I just found myself crying. I guess the lonelies got to me. Most of the time I have people in my life who continue to fill it with warm and fuzzies, and of course Jesus is constantly telling me how much He loves me keeping those lonelies at bay. But it may have been because everyone else has someone already. To be alone on a day when everyone else is exchanging "I love yous" like mad made it that much harder to bottle up the longing for the experience of saying that  to someone special too and having it said back. I just have so much love to give and I wish that you were here already so I could show you how much you already mean to me.
Sigh. Then Tuesday was a disaster. There are just days where I'm not so eloquent with my words, am a complete spaz, and feel so mortified by what I do and say I just want to crawl into a hole and curl up in a ball. It's upsetting to me that sometimes I can never get it right and feel like a complete screw up. Could you still love someone like me even though I'll mess up? When on some days I'm a walking social disaster?


Yesterday my freshman small group girls helped soothe my aching heart. Every time I'm around them I can't help but feel loved. In the ebb and flow of our discussion the topic that emerged at the end of the night is how God never changes. If there is a group of people who are in the midst of and know very well how much they will change it's high school girls. And seeing how my girls talked about and listening to their prayers about how much they are just so grateful for His stability, for being unchanging...was comforting.


It reminds me of James 1:17. So even during the days I'm being completely neurotic and spastic I know He'll always be the same. His love for me will always be the same. It's a relief.


Yours always,
Ruth