Everythings, Somethings, and Nothings

Dear Boaz,

Some days I have so much to rant and rave about. I mean, I talk about everything with the Lord in heart-wrenching, eyebrow-raising candid detail. But it's always at the winding down time at the end of my days that I have such a deep longing to know you already so I can pick up the phone and be able to share my everythings, somethings, and nothings with you. I know we're both not ready just yet to be in each others' lives. I have to remind myself constantly that God has His good reasons for that.

I was thinking about this the other day when I was at the library. I visualized God as an Author who is writing both our stories. (Yeah, I know, totally nerdy but whatever.)  He hasn't introduced our characters to each other yet because there are still a few things we need to learn before we meet.  All the different plots, settings, and scenes  we're experiencing are leading us towards each other to meet somewhere in between. Kinda cool, right? When I put it that way, it reminds me that He is ultimately in control of our story and helps me to surrender my desires, hopes, and dreams of meeting you right now to Him.

A quote my pastor used in a sermon once probably sums up everything I've said best. It goes:

I am Willing…
To receive what You give me,
To lack what You keep from me,
To relinquish what You take from me,
To surrender what You claim from me,
To suffer what You ordain for me,
To do what You command of me,
To wait until You say to me, "Go."

I really hope you're out there sharing the same longings with me and that you're letting God prepare you well.

Yours forever & hopefully soon,
Ruth

Shards of Glass

 Dear Boaz,

I can't stop listening to this song. The different perspectives woven together in the lyrics is pure genius. I appreciate music that can make us think, identify with, and  can speak to us.

Glass by Gavin Degraw
Fool you made the girl fall in love
You said those beautiful things
She thought you spoke things you mean

Caress her skin like it's glass
She hears your voice making plans
And she just breaks in your hands

You don't wanna see somebody beg
As you feel her heart surrender you begin to fall
How do you say that something's through
When it never even started, at least not for you

She's dreaming back on the past
Every opinion agreed
Doesn't know what to believe

It must have been for a cause
Our lives have so many doors
Don't think about him anymore

But it was the kiss, it took me away
It's like he knew that I am fragile
He handled me like glass

And knowing this I know that he'll get his
But I don't want the man to suffer
Not the way I am

'Cause deep down I know that he's glass too
And it really doesn't matter until it's happenin' to you
Everybody breaks, everybody breaks sometimes, sometimes

When I listen to it, I'm praying that God will guard our hearts as we journey towards each other (Proverbs 4:23), that with all our relationships we will be careful to protect and respect the dignity of those we are around. I know I'm guilty of being flippant with my words and the result has been broken friendships/relationships with people I said I cared about. I also know what it's like to be hurt by the carelessness of someone else's words...

Yours,
Ruth